Thursday, March 29, 2007

Examining suspect advertising

OnStar sounds cool; I don't have it, it is not standard issue in my 1975 Cutlass Supreme. (4mpg rules!) But such a "cool" product, their radio advertising sucks. An except from a radio commercial I heard this morning:

"I am locked out of my house, locked out of my car, and I am just standing here in my robe."


Wha!? Let's examine this -
You step outside right after you wake up (early morning bong hit, nice). So I get it, you are a little groggy, the door closes behind you. It's locked. Fuck.
We've all been there. BUT, you remembered your cell phone....smart move for somebody wearing a robe, claiming to have just woken up.

Now you want the car unlocked because your keys are in there?

Let me get this straight, you came out of you home, with your phone and keys, presumably grab something from your car? (more drugs?). Your car has OnStar, so there is a good chance you have remote locks too, but still, somehow, you locked your keys in the car, while maintaining the cell phone. Huh.

And now I am supposed to believe this rocket scientist has pre-programed the OnStar number into her cell phone. rrriiiigggghhhttt.

What's really going on in this commercial must be this -
It's mid-afternoon, and you are just coming down from an angle's dust trip. You are "partying" at some random trailer park on "the wrong side of the tracks". You don't have a car. You dial, what you suppose is the local cab company, and it connects you to a saucy Canadian vixen who has the whit and humor of a guillotine.

Be cool, be cool. She doesn't know your high. Come up with a story quick.

And that was the best you could come up with? OK.

Yep. Thanks OnStar, next try painting a more realistic scenario. Here's how I would use OnStar -
When going to enjoy a few "drinks" with FuMan and John Oates, I would lock my keys in the car. Too many times I have gotten drunk, started break dancing on the bar and when I go into my patented 6 rotation head spin, the keys fly out never to be found again. With OnStar, I leave my keys locked in the car, drink to my hearts content, and the call the OnStar girls to get me back into my car (this would also serve as validation that I was in good condition to drive).

1 comment:

Zach said...

I can almost assure you, when you bust out the head spin, you are in no condition to drive.