This disease will probably kill me.

As it was recently brought to my attention, I appear to suffer from an incurable disease. How do I know it is incurable? The disease has not been clinically identified, and as of now, my wife and I are the only 2 people in the world to have it.

What is this terrible disease, you might ask? Heavy Walking.

An except from an email I received on Friday -

• I also was woken up past midnight this last Saturday night due to heavy walking in your bedroom. This has happened several nights over the last year and a half and it's finally gotten to the point where I need to formally address this.

How is this affecting the neighbor, you might ask?

• [I] have done several things to try to adjust to this noise, including sleeping with a fan, the tv, and trying ear plugs, yet the deep thud of heavy walking is not drowned out by any of these.
  [Heavy walking] has affected my every day life and my quality of sleep.

I am just on the forefront of this new disease, but from what I can tell, heavy walking is learned by any upright walking mammal at a very young age, and it effects all walking mammals from the time they learn to (heavy) walk. Possible cures include midnight jump-roping, competitive tap dancing, Private STOMP lessons and rave parties (in your home, of course).

So now I reach out to the positive well-wishers of the interweb, for your support in finding the cure for this insidious disease. Information on a foundation I am starting will come out soon.