Hey fat ass, how's the gym?

It's 11 days into the new year and i'll bet you pussys have already abandoned your new years resolutions. Not me, I am still going strong, but why shouldn't I, my resolution is to increase my awesomeness by 53%. In 11 short days I am already dripping more awesomeness then you can muster in a whole year; but I guess that's not fair since I started out at over 126% and you will only achieve a lifetime average at just over 17.5%.

So how, you ask, can you change your resolution and try to achieve awesomeness too?

Just some minor life changes and, with the right amount of balls, you could increase your awesomeness to a slightly higher level then that dip shit Aiden in payroll. First things first, awesomeness is not an adjective, it is a person. Pancho Villa likes to remind people who is talking by using his name in the 3rd person. Pancho only talks about himself and how awesome he is. When meeting people for the first time, don't shake their hand, give your nut sack a little tug and address them as "bro" (even if it is a chick, "bro" is still the generic name given to all who are inferior to you). Regardless of race, refer to employees at any store as a "cracker" and when dining out, never leave a tip. Pancho Villa can't tell you anymore, but you can sign up for his lecture series, "I am fucking awesome, and your not", which will be touring the country later this spring. With paid admittance, Pancho Villa will walk in, tell everybody in the room to "go fuck themselves" and leave. Counting $1000 bills the whole time; Good luck with your resolutions, Pancho Villia's awesomeness went up 3% just by writing this. Bitch.