Let’s just suppose for a minute, after a long night of drinking on New Years you find yourself in an argument with a professional athlete. Next, let’s hypothetically say the booze takes over and you decide to prove your point by spraying said athletes limo with over 20 bullets. Yeah, you’re a big man, you showed him.Wait, he died.
Shit.
Eyewitnesses have identified your white car and license plate; what do you do now hotshot?
In the case of Darrent Williams, you spray paint 4 sides of your white car black. Leaving the roof untouched. Then you remove your license plate. Yeah, that doesn’t look suspicious at all. What does one think will happen when an unidentified “black” car is rolling down the street?
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Assailant: I am sorry, no, is there a problem?
Officer: I just noticed the dull shine of shitty K-Mart spray paint, and thought you could use a referral on a good auto body shop.
Assailant: Hey thanks, yeah, I went to my brother-in-laws shop, but I think he was high when he painted this thing.
Officer: Yeah, no kidding, he missed the whole roof. Anyway, you may want to get this thing registered too….it is law to have license plates....Is that gun in the front seat yours? It is a pretty wicked looking handgun, how many bullets it hold?
Assailant: Um, no, this is not a gun, it is a lighter that is shaped like a gun. I use it to light my tobacco pipe. If there is nothing else officer, I must be on my way.
Officer: Gun lighter, now that is rich! Please be on your way, sorry to keep you.
1 comment:
It is clear that the suspect(s) we should be looking for are under 4'5" with an average arm length of 20", that would put them just shy reaching the roof with their spray paint cans. (This information is based off standard 1998 Chevy suburban specs, and does not take into account for any vehicles that may be lowered.) These damn midgets, I knew they would eventually come back to bite us in the ass for all the sick reality t.v. shows benefiting from there short comings.
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